Barefoot Balabusta

Remember when the only place to find cooking shows was PBS, and when the only cooking shows on PBS were reruns of The French Chef (that voice!), The Frugal Gourmet (that beard!), and Yan Can Cook (those knife skills!)?  Well with the undeniable boom of the cooking show genre, and the subsequent births of TV star chefs, I find it curious that kosher food is so underrepresented.  Sure, Marc Summers has unwrapped a pastrami sandwich on camera, and brisket has had it’s time in the spotlight being competitively smoked by teams called "Bubba-Q Brothers" and "Hog & Kisses."  In the sea of highly-specific themed cooking and food-related shows out there (coming up next: A Gluten For Punishment, followed by Vegan Diva and Living in the Raw), why no Shabbos on a Shoestring, Pareve Paradise (vegan!), or Barefoot Balabusta? 

Last night I caught an episode of Ina Garten’s (née Rosenberg) Barefoot Contessa entitled “International Pasta” where she featured recipes spanning the globe from China's Szechuan region, to Italy with a layover in Poland.  

If you look super closely, you can see the unmistakable orange and green Manischewitz logo on the egg noodles (OU pareve).

Though technically her's is a recipe similar to my own mother's dairy kugel recipe (subbing sour cream, cottage cheese and crushed pineapple for Ina's half-and-half, ricotta and raisins), I don't know, there just seems something foreign about her preparation.  I bet it's the bain-marie.

Not Just A Pretty Loaf

I’ve fallen in love with a bimbo.  A total package:  blue eyes, button nose, adorable smile, modeling gig, and tons of kosher pride.  Here is my bimbo on a billboard on westbound I-76.

That speck under the loaf reads "Kof-K Pareve"

I love when exotic products bear (no pun intended) kosher symbols, but conspicuous central placement on giant outdoor advertising just goes above and beyond.  Okay, white bread might be the opposite of exotic, but this long E sound Mexican brand’s international status and quirky name choice up the exotic ante.  I’m sure Bimbo is a perfectly cute marketing move in Mexico, but loses something in translation.  Just ask any Israeli named Dudu or Osnat. 

This bimbo is also athletic.  Bimbo Bakeries just announced its sponsorship of Major League Soccer’s Philadelphia Union.  If this doesn’t get Americans to start caring about soccer, I simply don’t know what will.

And so in celebration, I propose a toast to my favorite bimbo with, well, toast!  Go get a jar of Smuckers preserves (OU Pareve) and enjoy OK Go’s golden brown video.  

Life In The Matrix

If we were to plot some recent news on a New York magazine style PopKosher Approval Matrix, where Highbrow and Lowbrow scale the Y-axis and Brilliant and Despicable span the X-axis, it might look something like this:

Last week, celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton toured the homeland with his mother and blogged about it in a 5-part series.  Part 5 is the best, but do yourselves a favor and don’t read the comments.  Always the polite and genteel country, Israel reciprocated with some of that famous Middle Eastern hospitality. 

Typically his obnoxious, crass comments about celebrities and doodles on their unflattering paparazzi shots are the trash reserved for the workday afternoon doldrums.  But, his solid hasbara has earned him a firm spot near Brilliant.

And in the other corner we have Jewish darling, Natalie Hershlag/Portman who recently announced her shotgun wedding to Benjamin Millepied.  Her failure to swallow the red pill, the blue pill, or The Pill has given her a bellyful of trouble and earned her a spot in the northwest quadrant of The Matrix.  We are shocked!  This is so not the Natalie we don’t know at all and have never spoken to.  Regardless, mazel tov!

But this is PopKosher and not PopIsrael or PopIntermarriage.  So here is Natalie keeping it kind of kosher on Top Chef last year when she guest judged an all-vegetarian challenge.  She eats clean, but her mind is dirty.  Maybe we shouldn't be so surprised after all. 

A Festivus For The Rest Of Us - Part II

Woke up late.  Egg nog French toast casserole in the oven.  Dear Husband washing all the dishes.  Crisp winter day.  I sure am having myself a merry little day off!

Now where was I?

Six

Christmas Ham 

None

You've got to click on this picture to get a good look.  I'll admit, some of the fun of the PopKosher lifestyle is appreciating all of the things that are NOT kosher.  In this case, the above collage of treif meat is a generous serving of eye candy.  Look at it.  Behold the selection.  Take in the photography.  Mostly, marvel at it's affordability.

Seven 

Pumpkin Pie Wontons

Click here for the recipe.

The holy Jewish tradition of Chinese food and a movie on Christmas is so obvious, that I wasn't planning on mentioning it here at all.  And I'm still not.  But if you, like many, are planning a Chinese themed shabbat dinner tonight, add these to your menu!  They are a harmonious marriage* between Christian and Jewish Christmas customs.  I also love using Nasoya wonton wraps because you totally wouldn't expect them to be kosher, but they are (OU Pareve).  Afterall, aren't kreplach just wontons that are harder to pronounce?

*By no means am I endorsing intermarriage - just a good recipe.

Eight

What's Open?

A lesser-known tradition than the aforementioned, though time-honored nonetheless is the yearly wondering of what will or will not be open for business on Christmas.  CVS?  It has to be...it's CVS!  Maybe it's closing early.  Grocery stores?  Gyms?  Banks?  We know the safe bet is to assume that everything is closed, and we have no real need to go to these places anyway.  Perhaps every year we cease to be amazed how all-encompassing this holiday is to our culture.

Nine

Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire

OU Pareve

Whether you boil them or use Mel Tormé's preferred method, chestnuts are a holiday favorite that are a bitch to peel. That's why the geniuses at Gefen have done the work for you.  Since chestnuts are such a part of Christmas celebration, I am surprised that an exclusively kosher company like Gefen has cornered the market.  The Gefen brand is the only one I've seen.  Maybe Mel and Mr. Gefen were old Hebrew school buddies.

Ten

Canned Cheer

None

 

The holidays do bring out the good in people (except for when they bring out the crazy in people), and everyone is in the spirit to help others.  My office held a canned food drive in which I was happy to participate.  The flyer said that the organization running the drive was in specific need of canned pasta, chili, beef stew, etc.  I hope those in need enjoyed eating the Chef Boyardee as much as I enjoyed buying it.  Dinty Moore does not usually frequent my shopping cart, but it was a thrill to have him there.  I hope my guilty pleasure of buying treif food is someone else's innocent satiety.

Now, as I drive out of sight, good yontif to all, and to all a goodnight!

Oy To The World - Part I

True story:  A handful of years ago I asked my mom if we celebrated Christmas, what she would cook.  Logically, she answered that since we’d probably have a lot of people over she would likely make a kugel.  And so my fascination with the kosherfication of Christmas began. 

Last month I established that Thanksgiving was the highlight of the PopKosher year for the holiday’s innate Jewishness, and Jews’ ability to participate fully.  This month, I submit that Christmas is the other highlight of the PopKosher year for the complete opposite reason.  Despite there being absolutely nothing Jewish about Christmas and its celebration in America today, we can innocently participate anyway.*  Okay maybe not nothing.  There are the producers of those TV Christmas specials, the writers and composers of the classic Christmas songs, and well, Jesus himself.  Since Jesus was a nice Jewish boy, I’m sure he would appreciate all of the kosher ways to celebrate his birthday.

So, since ‘tis the season to make lists and check them more than once, I present to you my

Top Ten X-mas X-picks.

One 

Little Debbie’s Christmas Tree Cakes

Triangle-K Dairy

  

 A favorite since childhood, these arboreal treats remind me of a simpler time and place.  Even the white waxy coating, I mean frosting, is sweet nostalgia.  

Two

Holiday Tea

Various

Many fine tea purveyors come out with holiday teas around Christmas time and just about all of them are absolutely delicious.  Celestial Seasoning's holiday selection includes flavors like Sugar Plum Spice and Candy Cane Lane.  Also like drinking a hug is Bigelow's selection.  Kosher certified tea is pretty common, however the interesting tidbit here is that the holiday tea pictured above is actually Kof-K dairy.  Dairy tea!?  Who has ever heard of such a thing?

Three

Family Time

I love spending time with my family, but one of the best parts of the holiday season is when Christmas celebrators take time off of work to spend time with their families.  Since the office parking lot is practically empty, it's the most wonderful time of the year for front-row parking.  This generally slows the work day, leaving time for more important things, like list-making.

Four

Automated Cheer Dispensing
OU Dairy

 Look at this jubilant display of holiday spirit!  You don't see it?  Second shelf from the bottom.  Fifth and sixth bottles from the left. 

Egg nog!  Bryne Dairy's sweet, creamy delight available at the touch of a button.  I kept it the mini fridge and added it to my morning coffee :)

Five

Green Bean Casserole
Pareve

 

Flip through any holiday issue of Better Homes and Gardens and you'll see that no goyishe holiday feast is complete without the classic green bean casserole.  A quick Food Network search yields 100+ results.  Though nothing is inherently treif about the recipe (green beans, milk, condensed cream of mushroom soup, salt, pepper, French's fried onions), since most holiday feast include some kind of meat focal-point, a dairy side dish (just like dairy tea) just won't do.  I've discussed the wonder of Imagine Foods before, but this time I'm talking about their Creamy Portobello Mushroom soup (OU Pareve).  In an act of dairy deception, use Imagine's soup thickened with a roux to give the dish a pleasantly pareve creaminess.

Stayed tuned for Part II...!

*By no means am I endorsing Jews' religious participation in Christmas, but even Joe Scroogewitz can find some pleasure in the holiday season.  And plus, I don't discriminate.  If it's certified kosher, I'll eat it no matter what shape it's molded into or color foil it's wrapped in.  Deep down, chocolate Santa is just chocolate.

What Is Kosher?

Last night on Jeopardy!, Jennifer Huff (maybe Jewish), a customer service rep from Holidaysburg, PA (never mind) made us proud when she answered correctly by asking the right question in the category "Off-Limits."  This wins her $800 that she eventually loses.

 

   

Even though opponent Tom Nissley didn't know kosher, he knew enough other stuff to win for the third night in a row.

Last night was not the first time I've been moved to photograph my TV during Jeopardy!.  Anyone else remember February 3rd's episode?

$800 clue from the category "I'm Feelin' Happy!"

Of course the answer-question was "What is Joy?" and refers to the SNL parody of The View starring Fred Armisen/Noam Besdin as Joy Behar.

 

And for good measure, one more clip to bring it full-circle.

Hold Onto Your Hats – It’s Hanukkah!

Photo:  CrownHeights.info

So, what better day to post my Hanukkah entry than the penultimate day of the holiday?

Hanukkah was really flung into the spotlight this year, thanks to the adorable Maacabeats.  You must have received the link to their YouTube hit in a Happy Hanukkah email from just about everyone you know.  The oil lasted for eight days, but their festive version of Mike Tompkin’s version of Taio Cruz’s “Dynamite” will probably be stuck in your head through Tu B’shvat.  But who are these Yeshiva boys and are they single?

His mother must have plotzed when he told her that he was putting med school on hold.

Poor Borenstein Boyz.  The Maccabeats really stole their thunder.  Bad.

Try again after your bar mitzvah, bros.

For all the mainstream coverage Hanukkah got this year, some people still don't have all of their facts straight.

Let's give her a break.  There aren't many Jews in Miami.



And finally, in yet another Hanukkah miracle, Krispy Kreme is making a komeback!  

Photo:  CrownHeights.info

 After a too long hiatus, Krispy Kreme (KOA) is opening brand new locations, and is even offering special Hanukkah donuts.  This affects me personally, as one such location is not far from me!


We loved all the attention Hanukkah got this year, but it's not really the holiday that needed it.  C'mon Maccabeats, "I whip my lulav back and forth?"